How to get back on track

Print this page |

Hi Kat´s corner

It is very difficult for me and my man, and has been a long time..; I have majjjjjjor daddy issues. And when we first met he took amazing care of me. I felt like a princess.. So naturally, I collapsed completely on him. Just taking, taking, taking. Starting to expect it from him. He gave and gave. I became pregnant and we had our son. He got more and more tired. Took care of both of us. Me punishing him for what my dad/stepdad and other men had done to me.

Him starting to recent me, not wanting to fuck me anymore. Him being exhausted. Me finally seeing after a little ‘sort of’ satori in the shower what the fuck am I doing. And this is so hard ego work when you have a 1 year old. Phew! How can we get back on track with our relationship? I do what I can. Pray, as good as I can. Open my heart as much as I can bear. Being the strongest, most capable woman/mother that I can. Am loving as often as I can. But lately I cry/rage/bitch very easily.. don’t know what’s going on. So much emotion. I always apologise after being a bitch when I feel my heart again. But still I cant help but complaining, doing drama, blaming him, victimizing myself, being spoiled princess, using him as therapist…..etc. How can I stop?

Xxx SG


Hi SG,

First thank you for your trust, hope you can use some of what I write. If it resonate in your body then use it, if not – just let it pass…

I see two things in this. First one the daddy trip/punishing you have on your husband and probably also on other men, and also mommy trips you do… that has to stop now, you need to grow up and start to be an adult and start to serve from that grown up energy… You are the only one who can decide to do this, and you will probably need some inner child therapy and you will also need your husbands support in stopping the daddy trip on him…

One thing the two of you can do is to agree that he can never give you anything when you are in your “child” energy, so if he feels a needy or child energy from you, that he stand up and just leave the room for a while. That will help your inner child to stop trying to get something from him. In the start it will probably be hard for you to conduct, but I think it will be good for you in the long run…

Second thing… Your mood swings and that he don’t wanting to fuck anymore are linked together as I see it… You need to have sex with each other as often as possible, even when you don’t feel for it any of you. And it does not need to be perfect at all… So back on the horse and have sex each day for 14 days and see how it goes…  Also if you both are tired and exhausted, then you can use sex to recharge your batteries both of you. If he is tired, start to massage him or give him a blow job or take on a strap-on and give him a good ride ;-)

Also in general start to feel into him and also into your son, what do they need from you? Not how can I be a good wife and mom.. Just for a while forget all about yourself and forget to try to figure out how to be good, and start to serve from how can spirit use me to make the world a better place to live for others… and see what is happening doing that, and each time you catch yourself trying to be good, just take a breath and let go and then tune into them again.. no need for blaming yourself, just let it pass…

Another good ting is to have your husband husbanding you, that will also make your nerve system relax more and give you room to grow in your feminim. It will probably also make him more masculine and more interested in you sexually. In the start you two can find one or two area where he take all the decisions and you just follow him no matter where he lead you.

Also if you do a lot of drama a code word is a good thing to have. So when you no longer can stay open or it gets to much for him, one of you says the code word and then you go to separate rooms conducting until your heart is open again, and then you have a start word the one saying the code word use to start to talk again.

Women and men’s retreat in TNT will give you a lot of tools to work with, so I will recommend you to do them if it is possible for you.

Wish for you two that you will get back on track again as man and woman, and that your son will have a happy childhood.

With love Kat